Saying "No" When Budget and Social Life Conflict

B and I are Ballroom dancers. I love teaching my classes every week, and we love dancing together as often as possible. But B really loves the social aspect of dance. There's nothing like the buzz of 40 couples on a crowded dance floor, trying to look killer while not getting their Cha Cha partners killed. It's also usually a relatively inexpensive activity we can do together as a couple and with friends.

This week, we had an opportunity to go dancing with a couple of friends we don't see often. This venue is priced a little bit higher than where we normally dance, but a couple bucks isn't a huge deal, right? AND they were going to have a live jazz band! Entertainment in more ways than one.

Well. We found out that it was going to be even more expensive than normal, (plus the gas to drive 45 minutes there and back). On top of that, the end time was 11:30 pm, plus the 45-minute drive home, which would leave me with about 5  hours of sleep before work in the morning.

I wasn't 100% on board, but I could tell B still wanted to go. Since the entrance fee fits strictly into the blow money category, we took a closer gander at our blow budget. We'd already spent half on holiday gifts, and another third on an unforeseen banking expense. Going to the dance would have left our blow budget at a couple of dollars to last the rest of the month (which includes some pre-committed date nights with friends).

Of course we tried to come up with other options, like "we could give ourselves an advance on next month's blow budget," but that would just leave us perpetually pulling future funds. Obviously borrowing from our Emergency Fund would not do, since this was in no way an emergency.

Thus, the choice. Spend or save? Friends or Finance? Budg-it or Blow-it?

We decided to nip bad habits like spending unbudgeted money in the proverbial bud. We told our friends we couldn't go, which really sucked. We were both disappointed. But ultimately, the beginning of the climb is where we have to make the hard calls and stick to the budget like it's law, even if that means missing out on activities we love. Because being debt-free is totally worth it.

Stress and Debt: Friends from Birth

I consider myself a "Cockeyed Optimist." And believe me, owing a lot of money can put a real damper on even my higher-than-most spirits. But we have simple philosophies we use to stay positive and still enjoy life, even on a tight budget.

1. Budget blow money. This is teaching of Dave Ramsey (see post here), and it's a truly important step for faithfully sticking to the budget. B and I plan what may seem like a low monthly amount, but after it's gone, it's gone. We also find that if the money isn't there, we're not going to spend it.   Our system is that every month we pull out our blow money in cash. When the cash is gone, you have to wait til next month. Our blow money usually goes towards eating out, gifts for family birthdays/holidays, going to the movies, purchasing clothes, craft projects, etc. But it doesn't make us feel like we're limited to only spending on necessities, so we're still able to have fun.

2. Frame written goals. I've made an 8x10 printout of our written goals. It's framed and it's displayed so we see it EVERY day. Having a plan is more comforting than I can say, and it really helps to keep the goals fresh and in front of us so we never lose sight of the end. 


3. Financial reading material. While B prefers to follow news updates, I follow financial posts. Between personal finance and coupon blogs and websites, I am constantly tuned in to new ways to save, tips on budgeting, lightning deals, and inspirational stories to keep us on target to achieve our goals.

But, though we have to keep on top of our goals, we still want to live out happy lives, and not just sit in a cave until we conquer Everest. 

“You're incredibly focused, consistently on point, and relentlessly efficient. Your life is dialed in.   Your life is also really, really boring.”    - Jeff Haden

4. Play video games. I, personally, was not into video games until this year. It just took finding the right kind to get me into it. But we find that video games offer hours and hours of entertainment, give us an activity to do together to spend quality time, and really aren't that expensive. Most of the ones we like you can find for $15 or less, which comes out of our blow budget. Playing games really channels your inner-child and it's just FUN. And it keeps us from going out and spending money elsewhere.

 
5. Little One and Little Two. B and I love kids. We don't have any, and we're going to be waiting a long time before we discuss having "pitter-patter" enter our lives. But B has a lovely sister, who has 2 lovely children we love to death. For our purposes, I shall call them Little One and Little Two. Little One is a 2-year-old towhead whose favorite words are "no," "Mickey," and "ball pit." His baby sister, Little Two, is almost 6 months, rules the world with her smile, and knows it. 

 
Playing with the kiddos essentially performs the same functions as #4 above: Stress release, cheap, channels inner-child, keeps us from spending money other places. And gives us bonding time with our two favorite Littles. 

 
6. Plan Your Dates. Okay, three things we know: B and I are newlyweds, in our 20s, and live on a tight budget. But we still have to go out and do things. There are plenty of free options that at least get us out of the house: a walk in a park, visiting local family and friends, game nights, etc. are all good [spending-free] options. We also sometimes turn our errands into "outings" to be together, not on the couch.
For other cheap options, we like to:

- Go dancing (usually about $5/person)
- Go to the movies (the local dollar theater admission is $2/person, or we find tickets on Groupon)
- Mini golf (usually pretty cheap as it is, but you can find deals, too!) Or there's bowling, laser tag...
- Eating Out (if we have a coupon or gift certificate). Usually, Steak N Shake is our go-to because it has the price of fast food with the service that makes us feel like we're at a nicer restaurant. AND they always always have coupons.

 
If you plan ahead what you'll be doing, you can take advantage of sales, coupons, and limited events (like a dance party or local festival) and set a spending limit for your dates. But it's nice to get out, spend a little of our blow money, and do something for just the two of us to remind ourselves that yeah we're in debt, but we're in it together and we can have fun! 

Read Me: One Book to Change Your Budgeting Habits

As you may have guessed from previous posts, B and I have a lot of debt [more than you could imagine] acquired through some very unfortunate, and quite frankly unfair, circumstances regarding school loans. We are just starting the get-outta-debt climb up the mountain. But we are starting that climb with new found hope, and with a plan.

A year or so ago, B and I came to realize the full extent of this ugly, brute-faced monster I've named Everest. We felt lost, unable to get a handle on life, scared out of our minds. From the base, this mountain looks impossible to conquer for two newlyweds, now responsible for running a household, paying bills, and just starting out on new career paths. And it seemingly just keeps getting worse.

So B's mom gave him this book. He read it, cover-to-cover, and found solace in the tangible possibility of escaping from under the mountain. Last month, he asked me to read it. Since then, we've heard several success stories about the effectiveness of this book, and not a single failure. This key to eventual success in paying off all of our loans is Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, or, in our home, "the Money Book." Dave's written an in-your-face, step-by-step PLAN of how to get out of debt, achieve financial stability, start saving for college funds/retirement, and how to never pay too much for those big ticket purchases. He also provides tables and worksheets, and offers additional budgeting software.

He doesn't say it'll be easy. And he doesn't give you a genie to grant your wishes. He promotes a furious determination, extreme money-earning measures, and relentless pursuit to achieve your goals of debtlessness (<--- Karissa-ism, not Dave-ism). It's not fun, for sure... but its effective.  

We've had to adjust quite a few of his teachings to our personal situation since it's mainly geared toward spenders and we definitely consider ourselves savers. But we still swear by the process and are confident that it will work for us. If you have debt or even if you're unhappy living from paycheck to paycheck, Dave's book can provide you with a plan to pay it off, save it up, and invest it for tomorrow. 

Check out Dave's website, and seriously, I recommend this book. 

The Mountain Grew

Thursday was probably the most scared I've been since we got married.

I got a phone call from B while I was at work stating that because our original "minimum payment" for the largest loan in our Debt Everest didn't include the annually-compounded interest, our new monthly "minimums" would double (DOUBLE) so we will actually be able to pay it off in the 10 year time limit. 

:O

........... :O

So, being me, I crunch numbers. B is just finishing paramedic school, so he hasn't even begun his new career yet, and I'm just starting a new job, so I'm probably looking at keeping my current pay rate for a while. Well, 6 hours, 85 text messages, 2 cuddle breaks with Pippin, and 1 fairly organized spreadsheet later, I settle on the possibility of it being possible to support ourselves. Fortunately, more than 90% of our expenses can be covered on my income at the moment. To get that last <10%, I'm going to try to get some new classes at local dance studios (oh, by the way, we're ballroom dancers, and I teach a class or two a week) and really be able to take on all of our expenses, minus debt. Thaaaat's where B's income comes in. All of it will be going toward debt. A whole full-time job income going toward Debt Ev.

Well, then B comes to me with this crazy, cockamamie, freakin-ridiculous, suicidal idea: he wants to work 2 full-time jobs.

:O

[Insert panic mode here:] No company is going to hire you for a second full-time job. I'll never see you. You'll make yourself sick. There aren't enough hours in a week. Forget vacations. I'm too young to be a widow. 

You know, all that. But he's almost sold me on it. For a paramedic, a standard shift rotation is 24 hours on, 48 hours off. Well, he'd be working 48 hours on, 24 hours off. And apparently, many paramedics and EMTs do this and find life a plausible possibility. And if you think about it, it'd look like this (Company 1, Company 2, and OFF):

12O12O1

2O12O12

O12O12O

So he'd have 2 days off every week, and 3 every third week. Actually, he'd have one weekend day off 2 out of every 3 weeks. He just wouldn't have evenings or typical 2-day "weekends," and I'll spend 5 nights a week sleeping in a bed by myself. (...ooooor with the cat. I might have to let him in to keep me company at night.) Which is sad, but it won't be forever.

Are we delusional? Can you really make a new marriage and running a household, and taking care of a pet, and still being a human with friends and family work with Hubby working 2 full-time jobs and Wifey working 1 full-time job and teaching [hopefully] 3 evenings a week? 

I guess we're going to find out!

PS - Pippin is.... well AWESOME when he's sitting in your lap and purring, and givin' some noggin. But yesterday Pippin bit my face. Not cool kitty. Not cool.